Tonight i find myself at the computer once again trying to find some answers to the puzzle i like to call, Phillip. I have been searching and digging for almost 2 years now and only only find myself with more questions. As the kids grow and change we find more and more challenges they have to face. As their mom i desperately want to find the magic answer. the 'fix' for all this. but there isn't one. its just more questions, more confusion. It can be so frustrating sometimes. someone told me once that had i found this out when preston was born i wouldn't have had more kids. HA! yea right! i would never change having my kids! i would just have had a heads up. the other day while in the shower (i do my best thinking in the bathroom haha) i realized that had Phillip not been born and had all these issues we never would have figured out the other two! Phillip was our little key to unlock the door to understanding. Sure now I have more questions than ever but that realization gave me the faith to press on. To just keep digging. We are meeting with his geneticist soon and I decided to email him to really press for more detailed DNA testing if possible. I really want to dig deep and make sure we haven't missed something. If I don't get anywhere with him then I am going to start contacting the authors of all the articles i have read on this condition. I don't care how long it takes me I am going to get some answers, somehow! I have been so consumed with just getting through the day that i have stopped looking for answers. Our schedule is getting better. We have been able to adjust Phillips therapies and make it a little easier for our schedule so its time to get back to researching. I guess I kinda just lost hope after all the research and not finding anything. I got frustrated and decided to just let go.
My friend Kelli is undergoing treatment for triple negative breast cancer and her attitude is amazing. she keeps a positive attitude and her sights are always set towards the heavens. Her unshakable faith is something admire. She has been an inspiration to me. So I am back on my high horse trying to find some answers hahah! Being a mom and walking this journey with my kids has been the biggest blessing of my life, but also the most heartbreaking. But I know this is all part of Gods perfect plan and everything will fall into place. So tonight as my tired eyes google over and over again I do it with renewed strength and determination. I am so thankful for those 3 incredibly beautiful children and pray that with every day i become a better parent, and every day i become one step closer to unlocking the door to all our answers.
P.S. To read more about my friend Kelli please go to her blog: http://mylifegodswill.blogspot.com Her treatment is extremely expensive so if you are able please donate to one of her fundraisers or directly to her. You will be greatly blessed!!! Love you kelli, keep singing!
Blessings!!!
